Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
it's like heaven, but drunker
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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