it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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