Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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