Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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