FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I know her cup size but not her name....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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