I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
