the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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