what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
