sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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