So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
