I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
