Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
