I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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