Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
