Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
