The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
