sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
