he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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