the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
