I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
they're like a gay fantastic four
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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