fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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