I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I need to calm my uterus...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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