I accidentally burped into my bong.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I AM VODKA MAN
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
