We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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