my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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