I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She needs sedatives and a leash
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
