i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
