Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
