$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
