I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
