I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
