someone threw a dead crab at me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
These tits shall not be calmed
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
