so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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