I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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