the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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