True but thats because hes a fetus.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
