Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
the raccoons are back...
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