Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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