We're facebook friends in real life
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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