i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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