hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
