i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize