some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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