party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
