if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
