She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize