I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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