Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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