I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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