Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
