Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
