Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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