I've blown a few things in my day
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
