Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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