theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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