We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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