i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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