you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
