I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
