Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
