you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Drunk is not a location!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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