How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
