I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
