Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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