so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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