I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
