I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
