i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
