...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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