You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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