Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
nutella sex= disaster
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
