We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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