that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
