girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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