One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
