I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
