I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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