do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
