I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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